| |
| |
|
Dating Information |
|
|
|
Trick Or Treat - Is This Make-Believe Or The Real Thing?
"I'll call you this week". "Yes, I'd love to see you again". "I had a great time". "I'm not interested in dating anyone else". "I think I'm falling in love with you." These are a few of the phrases passed between singles as they move through the stages of meeting and dating. At the time, they are uttered with what feels like true emotion and honesty. No wonder the person they are directed to is so confused when the call never comes, the person becomes unavailable, or it soon becomes evident that the speaker is dating or deeply involved with someone else. Can we ever believe what we see or hear? How can we be sure? Dating is a process of getting to know someone. It begins with an attraction, which is formed by that first impression. Often, this first meeting occurs by chance at a social gathering, at work or in the course of one's daily life. More and more, it happens through a response to a personal ad and the emailing and phone calls that follow. Both in-person and email or voice contact give us a sense of the other individual- but this is only a brief snapshot of who they may be. It takes real time together to create a larger and clearer picture of this other person and their rightness or wrongness for us. During this time we assess for friendship, attraction, shared interests and values, and a willingness and ability on the part of both individuals to move forward in a relationship. Given that this is a process, it has stages. A first date helps the couple to learn more. It is a fact-finding experience, which involves not only the information the other provides, but our feelings and reactions to it and to them as a potential partner. We show our best selves and attempt to make an appropriate connection with someone we find desirable. In the best scenario, everything clicks for both people and conversation is natural and easy. More often, there may be questions, doubts, and/or mixed feelings. Seeing each other again is often suggested by one or both people and is a good way to learn more about each other and resolve any questions. But the doubts and negative feelings go unstated in a desire to either give the other person a chance or to let them down easily. It's also an easy way out for someone who is uncomfortable with this level of emotional honesty. So, how do we know what the other person is truly feeling? You have several options for getting this information. * You take them at their word and wait to see if they follow through with what they have said they would do. Nothing speaks louder than behavior. This option is the most common choice and can leave you in that all too familiar holding and wondering pattern. * You attempt to address the situation openly and candidly. This one requires a bit of courage and an ability to be vulnerable. State how you are feeling in a thoughtful but honest way. Ask them to do the same for you. Let them know that you want to hear their honest thoughts about how the date went and if they would like to get together again. * The third option should be used regardless of what you do with the other two. Pay attention to their non-verbal communication. How do they look at you? What quiet responses do you get after you have shared something about yourself? What do you see in their facial reaction, posture and eyes? Do you FEEL interest or just politeness? Are they really WITH you, or somewhere else? If you learn to listen to the non-verbal language, you will HEAR much more than what their words have to say. Listening to the whole person applies throughout the stages of dating and relationships. It is also important during this time to pay attention to their behavior and note inconsistencies or mixed messages. Too often people don't and are stunned when a relationship "suddenly" ends or they find out they are seeing someone who was not the person they thought they were. Trust your instincts and listen "with a third ear". Remember also that the responsibility for honesty is also on you. Don't say what you think the other person wants to hear because you don't want to be impolite or hurt their feelings. If you really think about it, it is more hurtful and in poor taste to be dishonest with someone who has a true interest and is trying to learn yours. Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach with over 20 years of experience. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentinel newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, and Star magazines. She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Health Channel and AOL Online. As a weekly contributing commentator on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO), Toni offers dating tips and relationship advice in response to listener feedback. Toni founded Consum-mate.com in 2002 to offer singles the knowledge and tools they need to find and sustain healthy, lasting love relationships. She is a member of The International Coach Federation, and The International Association Of Coaches.
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Creating a Great Online Dating Profile First impressions are important, which is why it is essential to create an appealing, but honest profile of yourself. After all, this is the only information that a potential suitor has to go on initially and the decision on whether or not to contact you will be based upon what he or she reads in your profile. Healing the Midlife Love Crisis All I wanted was to fall in love and live happily ever after. The End. Lonely Expats Looking for Valentines Love Being an expat in a foreign country where you don't speak the language is hard at the best of times. And if you're single with the most romantic day of the year looming, what do you do?You could sit at home and feel sorry for yourself, but the modern expat in Europe is turning to exciting new ways of finding Mr or Mrs Right before February 14. The Law of Large Numbers It is often said that sales is a numbers game. The more people we contact, the more chances we have to make a sale. A Real Man Something I find 100% humor in is the fact that men are so quick to call women bitches. Well I will hold my " #1 Bitch " badge with honor! Because you know what that says to me? I Got You! I am a bitch because you can't handle something I have said or done, that you, more than likely caused to begin with. The Deal Breakers Deal Breakers. Everyone's got them. Dating Advice for Men: Why Some Women Like Em Younger Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Madonna and Guy Ritchie. Internet Dating Tips for Beginners There are lots of Internet dating sites available. Some are completely free and others are payable sites. Your Online Personal Ad- Write For Success! Where are all the good men/women? You go to parties, sign up for various activities and ask friends and family if they know anyone they can introduce you to. Yet, your dating life has been more than a little disappointing. What You Must Know About Dating a Non Christian Inevitably, when the topic of dating comes up among Christian teens, the question that always seems to come up is, "Can I date a non-Christian?"Most of the time, the typical verse that is used to answer their question is 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, which says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"Knowing that you aren't supposed to date non Christians is one thing, but actually understanding why the Lord doesn't want you to date and marry a non Christian is another matter, so let's look some of the reasons why you aren't supposed to date an unbeliever. 8 Minute Dating - For Singles with No Time for Small Talk You will get to a certain age where, no matter what city code you live in, you will not be content with the date or dates you are currently having. If you're dating without success and your big event or events are turning into dating flops, then perhaps it's time to 'save time' and find a fast, free, fun, good or make that great, group of singles who are looking for the same thing you are. COMING SOON??Online Attractions In my attempts to find the love of my life, I knew that they were not going to be found in the town where I lived, so I took to the Internet. My first experience was the result of a television commercial. Secret Dating Tips - Top Secrets of a Sex Magnet In any group of girls, there's usually one who's getting all the attention. You know, she's really animated, talking a lot, outgoing, a lot of guys are hitting on her. Compliments - A Very Powerful Dating Tool! Giving a compliment can be a very powerful tool when dating women. Of course, too many compliments can also make you look desperate and needy. Googling for Love Google: (GOO.gul) v. Ways to Say I Love You in Another Language Have you been looking for romantic and provocative ways to say "I Love You" to your special partner? There are numerous different and creative ways to say "I Love You," but have you ever thought about memorizing "I Love You" in as many foreign languages as possible?Imagine someone whispering to you "Je t'aime" or "Te amo" or "Aloha wau ia 'oe." You'd be intrigued, interested, and pleased, wouldn't you? Well, try several foreign language translations of "I Love You" with a special person in your life and see what happens. The Key to Reaching the Next Level in Dating Success Back in the days when I was a teenager, I actually had reasonable success with women, but it was far from consistent. Many of my behaviors and attitudes were anything but high-status. Guys, Do Your Pickup Lines Always Get Met with Turn Downs? It's unbelievable how many guys have this problem!I mean, you finally got the courage to walk up to that beautiful girl and tell her a pickup line that you thought sounded amazing and instead of her falling all over you, she acts cool and distant.And basically tells you to get lost. Online Dating - Six Ways to Protect Your Privacy in Cyberspace Online dating is becoming more and more mainstream, as people from all walks of life plug in and find their soul mate in cyberspace. Here are six tips to finding that special someone while still maintaining your privacy and safety online. Dear Soulmate Dear Soulmate,Where are you?? It seems as if I have been searching for you my entire adult life. I am writing this so you will know that I am not giving up on my search for you.
|
| Article List | Index | Site Map |
|
All logos, trademarks and articles on this site are property and copyright of their respective owner(s).
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest is Copyright © 2006 CanadaSEEK.com - All Rights Reserved. |
