| |
| |
|
Divorce Information |
|
|
|
Spousal Emotional Abuse During Divorce--What You Can Do
Is your spouse violent, abusive, harassing? In cases of harassment or violence there are legal remedies and there are practical things you can and must do for yourself. This is not about reaching agreement--these are strategies for self-defense. Mental and physical abuse must never be tolerated. Restraining orders. The legal remedy for domestic harassment and violence is a restraining order--an order from the court, served personally on your spouse, forbidding certain conduct. Restraining orders are available as part of a divorce action. If you, your children or anyone in your household has been physically abused or threatened with harm, you can have the abuser ordered to move out and stay away from the family residence. Child visitation can be ordered for specific times and places, away from your home and, if necessary, under supervision. It takes very clear proof of danger or harm to the child to forbid visitation altogether. In extreme cases, most states permit emergency orders to be issued ex parte--without notice to or participation of your spouse. These orders are binding until a hearing can be held and more orders issued after both sides have had a chance to tell their side. Here's the good news: more than 85 percent of all restraining orders are adhered to. Being served with orders from a court seems to have a good effect on most abusers, and, more to the point, they now know that you are serious about not being a victim. Think about it this way:
When you go for restraining orders as part of your divorce action, you can also request temporary orders for support, custody, and visitation that will set the terms of your separation until a full-scale trial is held or a settlement reached. Temporary orders can be very useful if you need them to stabilize your case or get support coming in. Police. If you get a restraining order, be sure to file it with your local police. This can put them under extra pressure to protect you. But even if you do not have court orders, call the police if you are the victim of domestic harassment or violence, and keep calling them. At the very least, you will be building a case and developing evidence. Police may be an unreliable source of help in domestic situations, although this will vary from place to place. They have been accused of prejudice and sexism, but whether or not that is true, their conduct is also based on years of frustrating and dangerous experience. Police are much more likely to get hurt and less likely to do any real good in domestic disputes than in any other kind of case. This difficult issue has received a great deal of public attention, so police agencies now tend to have standards for dealing with domestic violence. Some departments have officers specially trained in family crisis intervention. Ask responding officers if they can refer you to available spouse abuse shelters, support groups or relevant community services agencies. Call your local police, talk to them about your problem and see what their attitude is and in what way they are willing to help. Start a record in their files. Self-help. The best help is the kind you give yourself. The only thing you can control in life is your own attitude, actions and reactions, so start there. What part do you play in the cycle that leads to abuse? Try to avoid the things that set your spouse off. This does not mean to give up and roll over, but it does mean learning to express yourself cleanly and not to provoke. In most disturbed relationships, there is some pattern of action and reaction that builds to an eruption. Try to understand your part and stop the cycle. Don't be a victim. Spouse abuse is a very common problem, so you are not unique or alone. Nearly every community has professionals, agencies, and support groups that have a great deal of experience and special knowledge about domestic conflict. This is your most important source of help and support. Get in touch with them. To find a local support group, ask a minister, call the police department or a social services agency. If one group or counselor isn't what you want, try another. There are many practical steps you can take. Maybe you can get help from friends and family, possibly have someone move in with you for a while, or get a roommate. In general, abuse is drastically reduced when other people are around. One obvious practical solution is to move away, either for good or at least until things cool down. Or change all the locks, bar the windows and get an unlisted phone number. Or get a big dog. Or take self-defense classes. If necessary, hide--it may be better than being someone's easy target. The main thing is this: do whatever you must to create your own peace and safety; do not depend solely on police or court orders to solve your problem. This article is an excerpt from the award-winning book Divorce Solutions: How to Make Any Divorce Better. You can order the book from Nolo Press Occidental or by calling (800) 464-5502.
Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from http://www.nolodivorce.com or by calling (800) 464-5502.
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Anatomy of a Divorce: How it Really Works The legal divorce vs. your real divorce The legal divorce has very limited concerns: to get a judgment of divorce, you have to make arrangements for your property, your children, and support (if any). Divorce and Separation - A Child's Perspective It is always the children that suffer the most when a marriage breaks down and separation or divorce is imminent. Children of divorcing parents often witness arguments even rows and this has a strong effect on any child. Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital Affair? Having to deal with an extramarital affair can be a life-changing event, regardless of whether you stay married or not. Inescapable feelings can come over both people who live through an extramarital affair that will never be forgotten by either of them. 7 Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion after Divorce Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person's life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living "out of the habit" of being married, especially if you have been married for many, many years. Advantages to Doing Your Own Divorce There are many advantages to doing your own divorce. Three significant ones are: you'll get a better divorce, you'll save a lot of money, and you'll be able to keep things simple. Alienation of Affection - Interference with marriage can cost big bucks in North Carolina Non-lawyers are often surprised to learn that a spouse can sue for money damages in North Carolina based on allegations of emotional harm caused by a third party to the marital relationship. These lawsuits for "alienation of affection" and/or "criminal conversation" are usually brought by the innocent spouse against the guilty spouse's lover; but an alienation action may also be brought against someone like an in-law or other near relative who has advised a defecting spouse to leave the marital relationship. Get Over A Divorce and Prepare for Divorce Recovery! It can be difficult to get over a divorce and cope with a divorce when you are in pain. A ton of emotions and indecisiveness consumes you. Women And Divorce: How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuition is correct that a divorce may be coming in the near future. If women who believe that the "divorce discussion" may be lurking, they should make it a point to look for solid signs that their husband will indeed ask for a divorce. Divorce and the Stock Market The most recent statistics show that about 50% of all marriages end in divorce. It is not very encouraging to enter into any kind of relationship knowing that it only has a 50/50 chance of being successful. Spousal Emotional Abuse During Divorce--What You Can Do Is your spouse violent, abusive, harassing? In cases of harassment or violence there are legal remedies and there are practical things you can and must do for yourself. This is not about reaching agreement--these are strategies for self-defense. Divorce--How the Legal System Works Against You If there were no legal system, no lawyers and no courts, divorce would still be difficult and it would still take time to go through it. Divorce is at least a major crossroad in your life, maybe even a full-blown life crisis. Coping With Divorce Anger Successfully releasing your anger will help you begin healing after your divorce. Right now you may feel a great deal of rage at your ex-husband. Houston Divorce Lawyer - West Houston Attorney Answers Common Questions About Mediation If you are reading this, then you are probably either thinking of filing for divorce -- or have a feeling that your spouse may be filing for divorce -- whether you want to separate or not.One of the common questions that an individual going through the divorce process asks is "What is a Divorce Mediation?"Mediation is a process which allows both you and your spouse to maintain control over your destiny and the terms of your divorce settlement. Does Your Sexless Marriage Have You Thinking About Divorce? If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy because of it, don't worry, it isn't unrecoverable but it is serious cause for concern. You may even be thinking that you need a divorce because of your sexless marriage, that's only natural. 5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce Life after divorce is something that most people who are going through divorce think about. Thinking about having a life after divorce or thinking about how your life will be after divorce, are common because people tend to fear for themselves. Divorce, The Hardest Thing You Have To Do Knowing What To Do In DivorceKnowing what to do when you are faced with a divorce is often hard to figure out. But, you can and you will get through it. Dating Tips for Divorced and Widowed Moms Dating is tough for just about everybody, but it's even tougher for people who are divorced and widowed. Along with the fears of being "out of practice," there are often children's feelings to consider. Grieving the End of Your Marriage, as You Know it The pain of finding out that your partner is cheating on you can be the worst pain you'll feel in your entire life. What is happening to you, you may wonder. Divorce Articles: How To Get The Most From A Divorce Article There are many types of divorce articles available on the Internet by a variety of authors. What's below will help you get the most out of the divorce articles here on this site and anywhere else. Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms When do you need to hire a family law attorney and when is it okay to just use an online divorce form website to save a little money? This article will provide a few pointers to help you decide whether to do it yourself or retain a divorce lawyer.What Does it Mean to Use an Online Divorce Form Website?Essentially, using an online form website in your divorce case means that you will represent yourself and act as your own lawyer.
|
| Article List | Index | Site Map |
|
All logos, trademarks and articles on this site are property and copyright of their respective owner(s).
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest is Copyright © 2006 CanadaSEEK.com - All Rights Reserved. |
