| |
| |
|
Parenting Information |
|
|
|
Parents of Teens: Do You Ever Ask WHY is she so MEAN to me?
Do you ever wonder what is behind the occasional nasty attitudes expressed by your teenager? Teenagers can make their parents feel pretty badly at times; if they only knew how much their words and actions sometimes hurt us they'd probably stop. Perhaps. It isn't a developmental necessity that teenagers be mean to their parents, but enough of them demonstrate this behavior that it not only warrants examination here, it is the topic of frequent discussion among parents. And when young adults look back, they say things like "I'm still apologizing to my mom for how I treated her when I was in high school." Why do they act this way? What's behind this behavior? Here are a couple of reasons. During adolescence parents fall off the pedestal we once stood on when our kids were young. And that is a developmental necessity. Part of the process that teenagers are experiencing includes separating from parents, a process psychologists call "individuation." They are coming into their own true - separate - selves. And this includes seeing parents realistically - and that means they see our flaws and short comings as well as our positive attributes. Smaller children often make that pedestal parents stand on pretty high; think back and you're sure to remember incidences that surprised you when you realized how you were perceived as infallible, nearly "perfect," truly "adored." When teenagers begin to gain a more realistic view of their parents it can actually be scary for them. They can feel vulnerable, angry even, to discover their parents are only human, imperfect like the rest of humanity. Obviously they will learn to cope with this realization, but at an unconscious level it can still be disturbing to them. This can be one cause of their "mean" behavior toward parents. It will help parents to understand that along with the disappointment in learning adults are flawed, may also come relief as teenagers learn that "perfection" is not a prerequisite for adulthood. Parents can help their teens through this shift in thinking and this important developmental step by being realistic about their flaws. Another reason why kids sometimes present challenging attitudes to parents is that they're testing out ideas. Hopefully, at a deep level, your teen knows that he/she can count on you and you'll never abandon him/her, no matter what. That makes you, then, the safest person with whom she can express her feeling and thoughts - even ones that are not typically allowed in our culture. Parents who provide walls and boundaries are not only keeping kids safe, they are providing walls to push against, and push they will! This may not be what the parent intends, but it is often the case, again, because of the inherent "safety" in the relationship. Parents can become, merely because of circumstances, the testing ground teens use to verbalize ideas, attitudes and behavior, sometimes with little regard for our feelings. Mother-daughter relationships, in particular, can exemplify this. One author referred to "mother" as the "standard to which she aspires and struggles against." So, you see the challenge can be built right into the relationship. There are many causes for the changing behavior of teenagers, and some of the attitudes they express can hurt parents' feelings. The more parents understand the underlying causes for what is going on, the more we can properly manage our responses. We certainly don't need to accept unacceptable behavior, but on the other hand we can help the situation if we are knowledgeable about what might be really behind it. Sue Blaney Sue Blaney is the author of Please Stop the Rollercoaster! How Parents of Teenagers Can Smooth Out the Ride and Practical Tips for Parents of Young Teens; What You Can Do to Enhance Your Child's Middle School Years. As a communications professional and the parent of two teenagers, she speaks frequently to parents and schools about parenting issues, improving communications and creating parent discussion groups. Visit our website at http://www.PleaseStoptheRollercoaster.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Raising a Self-Sufficient Teen Teens don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working with your teen on gradually giving them a sense of independence and ownership of their lives, then you're going to have your work cut out for you. The Long Journey Home Once upon a time, I thought I had it all. I had a child, a career, the world at my feet. What You Should Know About Counseling for Attention Deficit Disorder At the ADHD Information Library we are big believers that you should not just be giving a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder medication without also providing some sort of counseling or therapy. There are good, long-term studies that show that medication by itself over the long term is not a whole lot better than no treatment at all (Satterfield, et. Parenting Your Teenager: Ask Questions Many parents seem to be more than a little confused about what they have a right to know about their teens.The question I often get goes something like this:"We want to know where our 16-year-old son is going to be, and who he is with. Top Three Ways To Communicate With Your Child Although many parents become frustrated as they try to maintain an open line of communication between themselves and their children, regardless of age, there are three quite simple ways to attempt to achieve this goal effectively. 1 Talk to your kids. Breastfeeding, Its My Right My name is Duncan and I'm 2 years old. I want to thank my Mommy and Daddy for choosing breastmilk as my only food for my first six months. 6 Signs You're A High Maintenance Parent The children of Baby Boomers, the Echo Generation, are entering college in increasing numbers. Getting into the best schools is increasingly competitive. Parenting Your Teenager: But everyone else gets to do it! Q. We are getting to the stage with our kids where they are becoming teen-agers and are asking for more and more privileges. Teenagers and Trouble - How Parents Can Keep their Teens Out of Trouble Teenagers are a work-in-progress, and parenting teenagers can be tricky business. Many kids get into some kind of trouble at some point, and, although this can provide them a powerful learning opportunity, taking a "kids will be kids" attitude is downright irresponsible parenting. Medications: Addressing Parental Fears and Concerns Recently, a parent came to me, conflicted over whether to follow her pediatrician's recommendation of placing her young son on medication. His difficult behaviors had escalated in recent years and after trying behavioral strategies and food elimination diets, there simply hadn't been much progress in his maintaining himself. Your Company Vehicle is a Portable Bill Board; A word of advice on children passengers Child Safety Restraints and children in work vehiclesIf you take your child in your work car, van, SUV or work truck, you should determine the type of safety seat that's appropriate to your child's age or weight and will allow you full control of the vehicle including use of the stick shift.If your child is newborn to nine months or twenty pounds, use an infant safety seat. Three Sure-Fire Ways to Teach Your Child About Safety Levels of SafetyBy teaching our children there are different levels of safety and those levels depend on the situation they are in and the decisions they make in those situations, we can better train them to use their instincts, intuition, and even fear as safety tools. This is an easy way to explain to our children how to trust these instincts. A New Dad To Be? Deer in the headlights? Ok. So you're a dad to be. How to Talk to Your Kids About Suicide: New Study Says it May Make Them Less Likely to Consider It! This year alone, 1,600 teenagers aged 15 to 19 will die from committing suicide. Suicide among kids, once a rarity, is now a growing concern in America, and it appears that one of the best ways to keep your kids from doing it is to be a nosy parent. Illegal and Legal Drug Usage in the United States How bad is the illegal drug problem here in the US? Very bad and it alters the brain's thought process and causes a problem with human interaction and our natural socializing tendencies. The drugs are so diverse and so plentiful that it touches the lives of nearly every American in some way and certainly nearly every family in this country. Nothing Like a Mothers Love Travel is a common theme in my life -- probably started with the family vacation we took every year when I was young. But in all my travels, I have seen another universal theme, a common symbol of unity, love and Peace. Should The Dad-To-Be Attend The Birth? Not so long ago a dad-to-be would pace up and down outside the labor room and would be admitted only after the birth. Modern practice is to assume the dad-to-be should be at the birth to offer support. Dads, Handle your Kids Mistakes One of the most difficult parts of being a father is learning to accept your children's mistakes. It certainly can be easy to be loving, supportive, and helpful when your children are mistake-free, but most fathers who are paying attention don't find too many mistake-free periods of theirchildren's lives. Water Hazards For Young Children Unfortunately each year many young children drown in swimming pools, other bodies of water, and standing water around the home area. Children must be watched by an adult at all times when in or near water. The Three Best Alternative Treatments for ADHD There are a LOT of alternative treatments for sale out there for people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder who would rather not have to use a strong medication such as Ritalin. Some of these are good, some are fair, and some are bad.
|
| Article List | Index | Site Map |
|
All logos, trademarks and articles on this site are property and copyright of their respective owner(s).
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest is Copyright © 2006 CanadaSEEK.com - All Rights Reserved. |
