Parenting Information

My Stomach Hurts - I Cant Go to School Today!


It's the third time this week that Sam has complained of a headache or Shaundra has an upset stomach. Daniel cries before leaving school and Tanya won't get out of the car upon arrival to the school parking lot. Most parents simply don't know what to do when this occurs. Does the parent insist the child go to school or allow the child to stay home and hope the problem goes away?

Children often have very real reasons for not wanting to go to school. Maybe the child forgot to study for a test, had a fight with a friend, experienced an embarrassing moment, or fears a bully might be waiting on the playground. Children have not learned how to handle every situation that arises, so sometimes, avoidance seems like the best answer. Occasionally, the problems are at home: a sick parent, an impending divorce, or other stressful situations that might make a child reluctant to leave home. Even if no problem exists at home, some children continue to experience intense separation anxiety. Even though the fear is irrational, the fear is intense and very real.

Stephen Garber, Ph.D., author of Good Behavior Made Easy, offers these strategies to promote school attendance:

*Reassure your child.

Parental support and reassurance may help a child who is overreacting or embarrassed by an awkward situation until the memory fades.

*Set criteria for staying home from school.

Schools set criteria for students staying home from school, for example, if a child has a temperature. If a child is sick enough to stay home, he or she should have reduced activity or no friends should visit for playtime.

*Talk it up.

Mark the school calendar with special events. Emphasize what your child likes about school and encourage school friendships.

*Get your child to school.

Define a morning routine and get through the routine quickly.

*Ignore negative comments.

Ignore your child's negative comments and praise positive comments he or she makes about school.

*Praise and reinforce your child for attending school with a good attitude.

Praise every move your child makes toward school.

Disengagement Strategies

If your child continues to experience difficulties saying good-bye, try the following suggestions.

*Good-Bye Plan

Seek advice from the teacher, who has had experience working through separation anxiety. Develop a good-bye plan. Parents feel less conflicted after leaving school after following what parent and teacher have both agreed as a smart good-bye plan.

*Refusal

If your child refuses to get out of the car or walk into the building, talk to the teacher or other school personnel to further develop the good-bye plan. School personnel are available to meet your child at the "point of good-bye" and assist the child from the car. If no help is available, stand or sit for a few minutes.If your child is still unwilling to go after this brief time, escort your child to class. Stay calm, even if your child kicks or hits. Go through your good-bye plan as best as possible. Then leave. It is unlikely the behavior will continue for long. The audience is gone.

*Emotional Button Pushing

Children are masters at pushing parental emotional buttons! If your child tries to delay your departure and keep you at school by making a string of requests, "One more kiss. Come see the goldfish! Help me put up my backpack!"???.be firm! Say good-bye. Stick to your good-bye plan.

*Switch Gears

If parent and child have entered an escalating cycle of anger, tears, and frustration over good-byes at school, try having someone else drop off the child. A spouse, familiar care giver, or any other adult the child knows well are all possibilities.

Resist your very natural urge to overprotect your child. Parents who work with children through difficult good-byes, help children develop competence in themselves.

Keep in mind most stressful good-bye behavior ends shortly after parent and child separate. Do communicate with your child's teacher regarding the length of time your child continues to cry or misbehave after your departure. The quicker your child settles down, the better the chance of changing the departure plan, if you stick the daily good-bye routine.If the teacher reports your child continues to demonstrate distress in ways that are disruptive to participation and enjoyment of the school day for themselves or other classmates, seek advice from the school on what you all, as a team, should do. In extreme cases, outside professionals might be consulted by the parents to explore any underlying medical issues or perhaps, the possibility of school phobia.

Nancy Hall, author of Goodbyes, indicates some children who have never experienced good-bye problems are not immune to developing such behavior at some point. Stress can precipitate a good-bye crisis. Events such as a family change, birth of a sibling, marital difficulties, military deployment of a family member, a residential move, or an upcoming parent business trip may trigger a good-bye crisis. Such events can create anxiety in the child,

Again, communicate with the teacher. When speaking with your child's teacher about home events that may affect school good-byes, you need not reveal private personal details. Share enough to provide insight to what could be causing the sudden good-bye difficulty. When a change is happening to the family, the importance of working with the school is of particular importance, should the child demonstrate sudden school-related behavioral issues.

No matter what the stress, a child's anxiety may be further reduced by a parent being more available during times when the child is not at school. Acknowledge your child's feelings. Reassure your child you will always be there for them.

The majority of children feel at ease with predictable separations and confident in their own budding social and cognitive skills within the first few months of the school year. Although hard to imagine at this point, don't be surprised on some future Saturday, your now hesitant child says, "But I want to go to school today!"

Sheree S. Marty has worked with elementary school children as a school counselor for the past nine years. A physical education teacher for thirteen years, Ms. Marty earned her Master degree in Counseling in 2000. Ms. Marty is the author and owner of "Chinese Jump Rope", a childrens games book and website. For more information, visit http://chinesejumprope.tripod.com

  


MORE RESOURCES:

'Extreme Guide to Parenting' chronicles outlandish families
New York Post
It's a typical occurrence in the everyday life of the Eisenberg family, one of nine eccentric households that agreed to parade their off-the-wall child-rearing techniques in front of the cameras for Bravo's upcoming docu-series, “Extreme Guide to ...



Moms The Word: Parenting around the world
San Gabriel Valley Tribune
The American way of parenting encourages independence, but it would best be flavored now with all the rich potpourri of all the cultures under its umbrella. Asian cultures prize education and academic achievement, true. But we are also very clannish ...

and more »


Today.com

Extreme parenting: Who are we to judge?
Today.com
During the premiere, you might find yourself trying to suppress your judgmental side, too, as you watch two dads in Southern California who practice “all baby, all the time” parenting. Will they manage to loosen the bonds long enough for their ...
Extreme Parenting: More Drama, New Foray By BravoHuffington Post

all 3 news articles »


This Is What Sex-Positive Parenting Really Looks Like
Huffington Post
And that's what sex-positive parenting really is. Not telling my kids lies about sex to keep them from behaviors I don't think are healthy. It's telling them the truth, the whole truth, and letting it sink in so they can make their own good choices. It ...

and more »


The Atlantic

Another Challenge of Parenting While Poor: Wealthy Judges
The Atlantic
These often include multiple weekly meetings with job counselors, drug counselors, mental health providers, and parenting instructors. The parents, many of whom do not have cars and live in areas with sub-par public transportation, must sometimes ...



Forbes

Is Fear-Based Parenting A Boon to Online Childcare Marketplaces Like Care.com?
Forbes
When I was a first grader in a newly sprouted suburb of eastern Long Island back in the sixties, one day I'd had a enough of the school day and, to the best of my recollection, faked some sort of phantom illness that got me sent me to the nurse's office.



Where Do Dads Go For Parenting Advice?
NPR
Fathers often get left out of parenting conversations, whether they're about packing the diaper bag or work-life balance. For more, host Michel Martin is joined by a diverse panel of dads. Share. Facebook; Twitter. Google+. Email. Comment ...



Parenting skills improve in ADHD parents with medication
Penn State News
HERSHEY, Pa. -- Parenting skills of adults with ADHD improve when their ADHD is treated with medication, according to Penn State College of Medicine researchers. At least 25 percent of clinic-referred children with attention deficit/hyperactivity ...

and more »


Just Jared

Nicole Richie On Her Parenting Style: 'Kids Want To Be Told The Truth' (VIDEO)
Huffington Post
Richie tells Oprah about her parenting philosophy. Richie says she is constantly talking with other moms and looking for new ways to develop a strong relationship with her kids. "There's always room for improvement," she says. "I do know that I do the ...
Nicole Richie on Parenting: 'Kids Want to Be Told the Truth'Just Jared
Nicole Richie's Parenting Philosophy Is Actually Really GoodNewsOK.com
Nicole Richie - Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are parenting 'team'Contactmusic.com
Central Queensland news
all 44 news articles »


The Economist

Parenting in America
The Economist
However, there are two worries about modern parenting. One concerns “helicopter parents” (largely at the top of the social scale), who hover over their children's lives, worrying themselves sick, depriving their offspring of independence and doing far ...

and more »

Google News

Article List | Index | Site Map
All logos, trademarks and articles on this site are property and copyright of their respective owner(s).
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest is Copyright © 2006 CanadaSEEK.com - All Rights Reserved.