Parenting Information

Powerful Tips for Increasing Your Childs Self-Esteem


Here is a list of ways to convey the message "You are worthwhile" to your children. This list could fill a hundred newsletters, since the ways to raise responsible, happy children are limited only by our imaginations. Here are some places to begin.

1. Tell her on a regular basis that you love her. Actually say the words. If you think, "I don't have to tell her. She knows," you are wrong. It doesn't count if you think it but don't say it out loud.

2. Tell him that you are glad he is your child. Say the words and mean them. If you don't feel it, there is something wrong and you should find out what's going on. We all have moments when we have a hard time getting in touch with our positive feelings for our children. I'm not talking about those times. I'm talking about in general, most of the time, if you're not feeling good about being your child's parent, something is wrong. He will never feel good about himself if he senses that you are not connected to him.

3. Give her an example to follow. Take the time to teach her the steps. Kids need models. It's unfair to expect that she will know what to do in her daily life if you haven't shown her how to do it.

4. Spend time with him. If you are absent most of the time, he notices, and he probably thinks it's because he isn't important enough.

5. Look at her when you speak to her. This conveys, "This is important and you are important."

6. Look at him when he speaks to you. This conveys, "What you are saying is important. You are important."

7. Explain why. It takes more time, but it conveys that she is important enough to spend the time helping her understand. When you explain why, you are also saying, "I understand that you need to know why. I am going to help you meet your needs."

8. When he tells you about something that happened, ask him how he feels about it. Take the time to listen to his answer.

9. When you ask a question, encourage her to elaborate. Say, "Tell me more about that," or ask, "What was that like?"

10. When you ask a question, don't interrupt when she is answering.

11. When you ask a question, watch your responses. Don't disagree or criticize his answer. This teaches him that it isn't safe to be candid and will make him edit what he tells you.

12. Take her seriously.

13. Participate in the driving. The kids whose parents never help with the driving feel bad about themselves.

14. Say no when you need to say no. Kids need to know there are limits and that some things are outside of those limits.

15. When you say no, explain why.

16. When you say yes, explain why.

17. Set a positive example with your own behavior. You can only expect her to behave with dignity and self-respect if she sees you doing it.

18. When you lose your temper or make a mistake, apologize. Say that you are sorry, be specific about what you are sorry for, and give him a chance to respond.

19. When you know that you have disappointed him, acknowledge it. Ask him how he feels about it.

20. Spend time alone with her. Arrange activities for just the two of you.

21. Ask him what he would like to do.

22. Give her a private space where she can express herself.

23. Respect his privacy.

24. If he did a good job on something, say so.

25. If she didn't do such a good job on something, point out what she did well.

26. After a disappointment or failure, ask, "What did you learn from the experience?"

27. When you are giving feedback, describe specific behavior. For example, "I like how you asked the question so politely" or "You still need to pick up the towels off the floor."

28. When there is a problem, focus on the issue, not the child. For example, "You didn't do the last ten problems on this assignment" is more constructive than "You never finish anything."

29. Ask what he thinks.

30. Let her be the one to choose the restaurant, movie, or activity some of the time.

31. Ask him to go with you on routine errands just because you want to spend some time with him.

32. Touch her when you talk to her.

33. Give him a hug at least every few days.

34. Go in and say goodnight before she goes to sleep. (This is easy to forget once they become teenagers.)

35. Look up and smile when he walks into the room.

36. Introduce yourself when she is with a new friend.

37. Ask her to tell you about the book she is reading or the movie she just saw.

38. Review child development literature regularly to stay updated on what is normal at each age and stage. It is important to recheck your standards and expectations to be sure they are realistic for the child's age and individual abilities.

39. Look for ways to maintain your own self-esteem. If you are unhappy, discontent, or disappointed in how your life is turning out, it will be difficult for you to build the self-esteem of your children.

40. Every child needs to be the object of a parent's undivided attention on a regular basis.

41. Make certain that your body language matches your words. If they are out of synch, he will be aware of it.

42. Be yourself. Tell the truth.

43. Be appropriate. You don't have to say everything that is on your mind or tell him things he isn't ready to know.

44. If you show that you accept yourself and your actions, you give permission to her to do the same.

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.

  


MORE RESOURCES:

ABC News

Free-Range Parenting Debate: Should Kids Be Allowed to Roam Unsupervised?
ABC News
Rafi and Dvora Meitiv were walking home from the park recently in Silver Spring, Maryland, when they were suddenly confronted by strangers. Not a gang member, or a bully, or a child molester, but the police. “We were over here about to cross the street ...
Free range parenting: controversial method explainedW*USA 9
Free Range Parenting: Should Kids Be Allowed to Roam Unsupervised?myCentralOregon.com

all 8 news articles »


Are We Having Fun Yet? New Book Explores The Paradox Of Parenting
NPR
JENNIFER SENIOR: It's a very economical way of describing, I think, the experience of parenting. It's a phrase that a friend of mine used almost parenthetically. It was this very offhand kind of comment that he had made when he became a new dad. He ...

and more »


Free-range parenting discussion misses the bigger picture
Washington Post
Child welfare rarely gets covered by the news media unless there is a tragedy. But the case of a Silver Spring family under investigation by Montgomery County's Child Protective Services for allowing their 10- and 6-year-old children to walk home alone ...

and more »


Funniest Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This Week
Huffington Post
Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents ...



Common-sense parenting
Washington Post
As I told my children when they occasionally wanted to do something I was not inclined to let them do, there are a lot of questionable people out there. I trusted my kids, but I didn't trust the rest of the world. This is not helicopter parenting. It's ...



Muncie Star Press

John Rosemond: More 'just plain nuts' parenting
Muncie Star Press
My column of a few weeks back in which I described real-life parenting scenarios that qualified the parents in question for a diagnosis of “just plain nuts” was a big hit. Since it ran, readers have sent me numerous examples of parents who indeed seem ...



Voice of America

Understanding the Teen Brain Key for Better Parenting
Voice of America
Neuroscientist Frances Jensen has been studying the human brain for almost all of her career. But even she wasn't ready for the challenge of two teenage sons. Her challenge: try to find out why smart and responsible teenagers also act impulsively and ...

and more »


Times Record News

Free-Range Parenting Debate Misses a Critical Point
Huffington Post
As a result, Danielle and Alexander Meitiv are being investigated by the Montgomery County Child Protective Services. The debate about it continues to rage. I now that many other psychologists are weighing in on the appropriateness of this form of ...
Investigation into Md. 'free-range parenting' case unresolved after meetingWashington Post

all 13 news articles »


Christian Post

4 Tips for Parenting an Adult Child Who Has Made Poor Choices
Christian Post
Unfortunately, even good parents might one day see their adult children make poor choices. Here at Focus we've spoken with many heartbroken moms and dads who are grappling to understand and respond well to their grown kids' decisions. Here are four ...



Learn strategies for parenting in an over-sexualized world
wtvr.com
RICHMOND, Va – Liz Pearce of Commonwealth Parenting and Brantley Holmes, Women's Health Nurse Practitioner with Henrico County Department of Health, stopped by the studio to talk about the upcoming RVA Parents Forum, 'Parenting in an ...


Google News

Article List | Index | Site Map
All logos, trademarks and articles on this site are property and copyright of their respective owner(s).
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest is Copyright © 2006 CanadaSEEK.com - All Rights Reserved.