| |
| |
|
Coaching Information |
|
|
|
How to Kill Fear When Dealing with Aggressive People
The book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers is regarded as a self help classic. Have you read it? I read it many years ago and I was disappointed by the content of this book that has helped a lot of people take control of their fears. Why? Because I believe we all have the power to go far beyond feeling the fear. And I really think it is important to learn how to transform fear into courage by learning how to use more of your mind and how to take charge of your emotions. There are two ways to take fear and transform it into a different emotional state:
Today I want to look at changing how you represent experiences to yourself. 1. Pick a person you deal with on a regular basis who you find intimidating. Get started by choosing someone who causes you to feel mild fear. 2. Ask yourself -- what does it get me feeling fear around this person? Typically you will answer that the fear causes you to be more alert and careful. However the irony is that when you feel fear you are less capable of responding well to the challenges of the situation. Let me give you an example. When I lived the corporate sales life a number of years ago I had a crazy boss. He would scream down the phone at me, thump the desk with his fist in meetings and threaten to fire me if certain goals were not achieved. I never took this personally because he treated other people in the same way. Still I did feel fear when dealing with him. What did I get by feeling fear? It meant I was careful to say the right thing and to do my job to the best of my abilities to ensure he had no reason to have another go at me. Nevertheless it was not an ideal situation! 3. If you cannot influence the behavior of the intimidator change how you feel. In the case of my boss I matched his behavior to get rapport. When he shouted at me I raised my voice to speak back. When he slammed the desk I became more animated in how I talked and I used my hands more when expressing myself. This pacing will help. However it is not enough you also need to change how you feel. Before you start working with the following approach make sure you are feeling energetic and resourceful otherwise you could get dragged back into the fear itself. Now take a recent encounter with the intimidator and run the scene in your mind as if you are watching it on TV. Pretend you are outside the event watching as a bystander. Next, distort the images until the other person looks absurd. Dress the person in silly clothes or even no clothes! Change their voice until it sounds squeaky like a cartoon character. Slow down their speech until it sounds like a worn out tape. Then speed up the speech until they sound like a bumble bee. Play the scene backwards, upside down or with zero gravity. Do whatever you have to until the scene is ludicrous. Keep playing with the sounds and images until you are either laughing or at least smiling when you think of the intimidator. At this point you have turned fear into a more resourceful emotional state. Well done! When you are new to this technique you will need to run through it several times until you get the hang of it. And for difficult situations I recommend using it daily to shake off those unpleasant feelings of fear you have associated to that person. 4. Keep the benefits of the fear and not the fear itself After step 2 above you know how your fear is serving you. Let us say the fear gives you alertness, safety and carefulness. How are you going to behave carefully around the intimidator without feeling the fear? You need to write down or run through likely scenarios in your mind until you are well prepared to handle whatever is thrown at you. This step is very important and you are in trouble if you skip it. In my case I was mentally ready to work elsewhere, I saved up some money so that if I did get fired it would not be the end of the world and I was always careful to only promise what I knew I could deliver. If I had just changed how I felt without dealing effectively with the situation I would have been in a very difficult situation. Your goal ought to be to feel resourceful and to be intelligent in how you deal with difficult people. Using these tips will help you. How much this information helps will depend on how much energy you put into applying this approach. When I look back on my aggressive boss situation I know that I could have done even more to handle it better. So like you I am always learning. The important thing is to get started and keep heading in the right direction. And take even one step each day to take you forward. NB: get help immediately if you are dealing with a violent individual About The Author Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm
MORE RESOURCES:
coaching - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
What Rules! There are things that we do automatically internally that we don't even realize are the things that make us who we are. Our own rules for living that we hardly ever question, and even less frequently examine. Its Story Time! - Find the Power Within, or The Truth About Dogs I heard a story recently, and wanted to share it with you. It goes something like this:Once upon a time. Its Not What You Think My work in organizations involves dropping habitual ways of perceiving in order to contact a fresh and subtle perceiving "under the surface" of what is going on. That deeper sense of perceiving allows the emergence of what I call the Engaging Leader, or the genuine expression of myself and the collective. Context is King! If you've been around the Internet for more than two hours, you've probably heard someone say it or write it. If you haven't, you will. Why Bosses Dont Get All the News Not long ago, a friend who works in television complained that the industry has no interest in real business stories. And, I had to agree with him, since we don't see much coverage that doesn't involve stock prices or some sort of scandal. Why Daily Planning is So Important for Adults with ADD For adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), details are a drag. We tend to see the big picture and want to jump straight to the finish line, wishing we could skip all the steps in between. Mid Life Crisis and the Great American Dream One of the mainstays of American culture is the "Great American Dream". Immigrants would uproot their families and leave their homeland in the hopes of experiencing the freedom and opportunity that awaits them in America. Who Do You Talk To? Many of you reading this will be running businesses, or parts of, whether they are your own or not. This means that you have many things to deal with on a day to day basis plus trying to do the long-term thinking needed to lead and run the business. Self-contentment Leads to Confidence Being self-content means accepting and acknowledging who you are at your core and becoming satisfied -- maybe not perfect, but satisfied -- in all areas of your life. When you learn to better understand, better appreciate and eventually love yourself, you exude a quiet confidence that will open doors to what you want in life. Is The Apprentice Bad For Your Health? If you know who I mean when I say Kwame, Bill and Troy, you're probably a fan of The Apprentice. I admit I'm not a fan myself; I don't watch much television and that particular show didn't grab my interest enough to be "appointment" watching. How Could Choosing to Not Do It All Enhance Your Impact? How often have you heard yourself say, "I've got so many balls in the air I don't know how I can possibly keep track of them all".We may be managing to keep the balls in motion, but how good is our juggling performance really? Are our movements controlled and rhythmic? Or are we merely gritting our teeth and hoping to catch the next ball before it falls on the ground?Recently I was speaking with a colleague (we'll call him Craig) who is a high achievement-oriented and well-regarded senior manager. Lessons from Donald Trump and The Apprentice: A Career Coachs Perspective What can we learn about careers from watching Donald Trump and The Apprentice?1. Recognize that job tests don't always correspond to job realities. Assertive Communication: 20 Helpful Tips Most of us know that assertiveness will get you further in life than being passive or aggressive. But few of us were actually taught how to be assertive. What To Do? Lifes Big Question We've all experienced the same thing at important crossroads in our life when big changes were underway. Often, we find ourselves feeling panic and frozen in time, possibly with indecision, waiting and wondering: Which way to go?; How will things turn out? Sometimes, you just don't know what to do. Addiction to Worry Carole started counseling with me because she was depressed. She had been ill with chronic fatigue syndrome for a long time and believed her depression was due to this. Potential One of the most often mis-understood aspects of self-development is the concept of potential. We are often told that we can achieve our full potential, however, what does this really mean? When the focus is building self-esteem and motivating individuals to do better, there is often the implication that potential is a destination or an end-point that can be reached, and if we just strive for "it", we will reach "it". How To Give Criticism Without Bruising Egos As responsible employers, parents, and friends, we have an obligation to correct the mistakes of other people in order to enhance their personal success. The task before us is how to correct a deficiency without damaging the delicate ego that can sometimes get in the way. Stay Connected To WHY You Are Doing Things "The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work." Richard BachThis quote was shared with me by a fellow coach & colleague. Curbing the Public Nuisance (Part 2) Yes, that pillar of society that has been with us since that slithery dude threw humanity for a curve in the Garden of Eden - that cornerstone of society has been automated.I am speaking, of course, of the public nuisance ( I wrote about him in Part 1 at http://www. Overcoming Work Addiction Why are you so busy? Do you really have too much work? Is work so important to you that you'll sacrifice just about anything in your life to get the job done? Even if it's at the expense of your health and your relationships?If you find these questions disturbing then see how you rate with these ones:Do you work more than 50 hours a week?Do you dream about work?Do you feel that in order to succeed you must work late most of the time?Are you a stranger in your own home?Do you constantly miss family and social events because you're always working?Do you schedule and undertake more than you can get done in a 40-hour work week?Do you get bored when you're not working?Is missing family and social events because of work unavoidable?When on holiday do you constantly check your phone messages and email?Your ScoreThe greater the number of yes answers, the closer you are to fitting the profile of a workaholic. If you've answered yes to more than half of the questions, it's time to take stock before you lose your health, family and everything you hold near and dear to your heart.
|
| Article List | Index | Site Map |
|
All logos, trademarks and articles on this site are property and copyright of their respective owner(s).
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest is Copyright © 2006 CanadaSEEK.com - All Rights Reserved. |
