| |
| |
|
Divorce Information |
|
|
|
9 Steps to Regaining Self-Esteem After Divorce
Divorce is difficult at the 'best' of times. Even when a couple makes a combined decision to divorce, it can be extremely trying. What happens if the decision is one sided? What happens to the party who can sometimes feel blind-sided by one person's decision that they no longer want to be a part of this union? Been there, done that. Only I wasn't the one who made the decision to leave the relationship. It was my ex-husband's decision. Okay, I helped him make the actual decision to leave (he didn't have much choice), but the result was the same. Feelings of "what's wrong with me?" are abundant. So here are some things that will help you to get your self esteem back after a divorce: 1. Talk to someone. The first step to resolving those feelings is to talk to someone. Bend a familiar ear?be it biased or unbiased. Whether it's to a trusted friend, or to a counselor, getting it out verbally is a great start to regaining your sense of self. 2. Be Honest. If you decide that you're going to seek help from a counselor, make sure that you tell the entire truth about what you're feeling. Be as honest as you possibly can. How can a counselor do his/her job properly, if you're not completely honest? Regardless of what you tell a counselor, he/she is not there to judge you, merely to listen and to offer some constructive unbiased advice if necessar. Not criticism, just advice. 3. Keep a Journal. Writing down what's going on in your head is also helpful, weather you choose to do that via paper journal, or online journal, both are helpful. I find that using an online journal is much easier, as I don't write nearly as quickly as I type. 4. Get to know yourself again. It's typical to lose oneself during the course of a relationship. I know I did! So after my divorce, I took some time to get to know "Me" all over again. Do whatever it is that you love to do! If you enjoyed snowboarding before you were married, get back to it! If you enjoyed knitting, put aside some time to do that. Read some good books, enjoy spending time with new friends, go away for the weekend, go and be you! 5. Don't let those negative feelings back in. Once you've written down feelings that aren't positive ("I hate him/her. I can't believe that he/she did this to me.") in a journal of some type, you'll notice that if you go back and re-read those bad feelings (and we all do it at least once), you're mentally and emotionally back in that place all over again. Re-reading the ugly details of my divorce for instance, used to put me in that mood all over again (I've since tossed that journal). So my advice with regard to writing down negative feelings, is to write them down, then discard them. Tear them up, burn them, whatever it takes, but don't let those negative thoughts back in. 6. Meet some new people. When couples divorce, there may be a feeling amongst some of the friends of that couple who feel as though there is a need to take sides. You may find that you will need to meet new people, and take a step back from that even for a short time. Get yourself some friends that you and your ex don't have in common. My ex and I used to work in the same industry, and as a result, we shared a lot of the same business colleagues. So as soon as our relationship ended, I started my own business doing something that wasn't related in any way, shape or form to what he does for a living. I feel like a zillion bucks . 7. Find new interests. The next step to rebuilding your sense of self-esteem would be to find some new interests. Find something that makes you feel good/better about yourself. Kickboxing. Kickboxing is an amazing way to get rid of certain frustrations, AND introduces you to a new sport (I brought a picture of my ex to my kickboxing class, and taped it to the heavy bag.). If you enjoy being outdoors, you might consider joining a running club, a rowing club, or anything else that allows you to be outdoors while meeting new people. 8. Make peace with yourself. Understand that what happened, for whatever reason that it happened, is done. Over. Let it go. Move on. Whatever kind of bitterness that may have existed when he/she left, is going to have to get lost or it will get in the way of your true progress. I know. I did it. Get past it. How do you 'get past it'? By doing these nine steps. 9. Accept the fact that things happen. No doubt about it. Bad things happen to good people, and vice versa. Stuff happens more often than it doesn't. Nothing we can do about it. Can't control it. Can't keep it from happening. Accept it. You'll feel better for it. Debbie Burgin has been divorced for 5 years. She discovered upon the exit of her ex-husband, that her divorce was actually for the best. She's discovered that post-divorce, she and her children are happier, and more relaxed in their lives. She runs two of her own businesses, http://www.warnerdigitalmedia.com, and http://www.debbieburgin.com, and counsels other divorced women to "get out there, and live life!"
MORE RESOURCES:
divorce - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Avoid Lawyers! Do-It-Yourself Divorce Saved Me Tons of Money! Let me preface this by saying right up front - this is NOT for everyone. The key is that my situation was friendly enough to still communicate with each other after we split. Five Christmas Survival Tips For The Divorced & Single Parent For the over 50% of marriages that end in divorce, Christmas can be a hugely trying time.Since the season is one of the most stressful times of the year anyway, this onslaught of raw emotion to the divorcee can be overwhelming. What Are You Waiting For? So, you've decided that you're no longer "a couple", but for whatever reason, you and your spouse have decided to stay together "for the sake of the children".Isn't that what the children need? Don't they need the strength of a two parent household in this mad society that we live in? Don't they need the emotional assurance that Mom AND Dad are together? Don't they? Or do they?When my ex and I decided to divorce, we decided that he should probably live in the house with the children and I, for their sakes. Spousal Emotional Abuse During Divorce--What You Can Do Is your spouse violent, abusive, harassing? In cases of harassment or violence there are legal remedies and there are practical things you can and must do for yourself. This is not about reaching agreement--these are strategies for self-defense. Divorce--How to Beat the System Of course you want to get your Judgment--that's the goal of your legal divorce--but you don't want to go through the adversarial legal system to get it. You don't want to get all tangled up with lawyers and courts, because the system is designed to work against you. Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When Youre Staying Married Only For Your Children All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce. Divorce Decision: Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce decision which leads to further indecision and frustration. How Can Collaborative Law Be Beneficial In Your Texas Divorce? Collaborative law is based on the realization that the commitment by the parties in a family is that it is in their best interest to avoid going to trial.This process relies on open and honest communication and cooperation between the parties and their lawyers to achieve a fair result. Divorce, The Hardest Thing You Have To Do Knowing What To Do In DivorceKnowing what to do when you are faced with a divorce is often hard to figure out. But, you can and you will get through it. Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms When do you need to hire a family law attorney and when is it okay to just use an online divorce form website to save a little money? This article will provide a few pointers to help you decide whether to do it yourself or retain a divorce lawyer.What Does it Mean to Use an Online Divorce Form Website?Essentially, using an online form website in your divorce case means that you will represent yourself and act as your own lawyer. How To Protect Your Life Insurance Policy While Going Through A Divorce Life insurance, more than most things you buy, relates to the circumstances of your life. You buy life insurance to protect your family from financial loss stemming from your death. Two Hearts Are Now One It is fitting that I should write this story on Valentines Day, for this is a story of two broken hearts; healed and mended, then melted together as one--in an instant. This is a story of True Love. Choosing Your Divorce Method The biggest mistake that people make when getting divorced is that they fail to plan. They simply decide to leave the relationship and then enter and ugly and expensive battle that ends up hurting everyone involved. Anatomy of a Divorce: How it Really Works The legal divorce vs. your real divorce The legal divorce has very limited concerns: to get a judgment of divorce, you have to make arrangements for your property, your children, and support (if any). Advantages to Doing Your Own Divorce There are many advantages to doing your own divorce. Three significant ones are: you'll get a better divorce, you'll save a lot of money, and you'll be able to keep things simple. Guide To Reducing The Cost Of Divorce Seven Tips to help you keep more of your money at a time when you especially need it to support two households instead of one.Educate yourself. Women And Divorce: How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuition is correct that a divorce may be coming in the near future. If women who believe that the "divorce discussion" may be lurking, they should make it a point to look for solid signs that their husband will indeed ask for a divorce. Divorce -Is It Lawful? The question of divorce and its lawfulness is of long standing. The law-makers of our day have tried to answer the question. Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce? Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to assess the situation, courage to try to create a team effort for the best decision with your spouse, and gumption to face the reality that a divorce may be the best solution for the loveless marriage. Divorce and the Stock Market The most recent statistics show that about 50% of all marriages end in divorce. It is not very encouraging to enter into any kind of relationship knowing that it only has a 50/50 chance of being successful.
|
| Article List | Index | Site Map |
|
All logos, trademarks and articles on this site are property and copyright of their respective owner(s).
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest is Copyright © 2006 CanadaSEEK.com - All Rights Reserved. |
