| |
| |
|
Marriage & Wedding Information |
|
|
|
Give-and Take: Recipe for Success in Marriage?
A woman once visited a counselor to ask a question about her marriage. I have a funny feeling that you might not be especially impressed with the answer she was given. All the same, I'll take my chances. I think my shoulders are broad enough. I stand by the counselor's response 100%. The questioner (let's call her Jane) was married to a divorcee. Her husband (John) had to pay a certain sum of money every month to his previous wife as alimony, or whatever. Sticky patchHe had just started a new business and was passing through a financial sticky patch. The obligation to his ex-wife, on top of everything else, was putting John under a lot of pressure. Jane was a working person and gladly helped to pay the family debts. She never thought twice about it. But could she be expected to contribute in this case? Surely, reasoned Jane, her husband's financial commitment to somebody to whom he had been married previously had nothing to do with her? Yes, she and John were life partners and she was happy to share all his burdens. But even for what happened in a previous life, so to speak? Wasn't that going too far? "I must confess I don't really understand your question," the counselor gently told Jane after listening intently to her dilemma. "You and John are husband and wife. John has a debt. He's struggling to pay it. What difference does it make what the debt is for? It's a debt, period!" The counselor smiled warmly at Jane before she continued. "His problems are your problems. You're in this together. Why on earth shouldn't you help pay the debt? If, after all, it's difficult for you to accept this, it must be that there's some deeper problem in your marriage..." And that's it. Don't hit the roof!Now, it's important not to misunderstand the counselor, or me. I don't want your blood pressure to hit the roof! We have to keep cool heads and put everything in the proper perspective. First of all, she wasn't implying, of course, that John now had a licence to sit back, put his legs up, and meditate blissfully about the higher meaning of life, while his dear and ever obliging spouse worked like a donkey to pay the price of his past. Not at all. I should think that's pretty obvious, but I have to stress it just in case. Secondly, when we talk about husband and wife being full partners in the business of living, about sharing each other's burdens - financial or otherwise - no less than each other's joys, we are not saying for one moment that either party must contribute more than is reasonable. In the case of our story, Jane was a high-earning professional. In other instances, a wife may bring in little or no income, for any of a number of reasons. It may not be desirable that she be working at all. And not only money!But that's hardly the point. We're talking of quality, rather than quantity. One can only do what one can, but it's the real desire to help that counts. And contributing doesn't only mean money. I'll let you in on a little secret. I don't really like the use of the word PARTNER in connection with marriage. True, we've used it up to now, for want of a better term. It does come in handy to describe a good marriage relationship, up to a point. Yet, I hardly think that an ideal marriage relationship is a "partnership" in the same sense that we talk about a business partnership, for example. Not at all. When we think of a partnership, we usually think about a contract between two parties. A 50-50 sharing of responsibilities,or the like. Confused?A little confused? Well, let me explain! Do you have children? Good! Do you love them? "What a question!" you exclaim, "Gee, how I love them!" "Don't you know the sacrifices we made for them? From the moment they came into this world, when they depended on us for their very survival, my spouse and I gave them our all. Just as much as a whimper from them in the middle of the night, and we were there to attend to their needs. Even now, they may disappoint us, anger us or hurt us, but we continue to cater to their every whim...Do you need any greater proof that we love them!" So...is that why you've done so much for them - because you love them so much? Wrong way roundCould be. But even more, I'd say it's the other way round: You love them so intensely BECAUSE you've done so much for them! This is nothing more or less than human nature, and I think there's a great lesson for us here. We need to think about this very carefully. Sometimes, when two people begin to think about marrying each other, they think in terms of some business arrangement. Whether they verbally express it that way or not, their minds work something along these lines: "You have needs and I have needs. Maybe, if I satisfy yours, you will satisfy mine. You wash the dishes and I'll pay the rent. Sundays to Tuesdays I'll take out the garbage, and for the remainder of the week you will. Other duties will be divided by mutual consent. For every suit I buy, you can buy two pairs of shoes..." If this is the marriage you want, good luck to you! It's a free world. But will you be happy? I mean, really happy? I wonder. Many people will tell you that for a happy marriage, you need what they describe as "give-and-take". Give and take? Nonsense! Forget about it! What you need is "give and give." And give again. And again. That's the royal road to happiness. Azriel Winnett is the creator of Hodu.com - Your Communication Skills Portal. This popular website helps you improve your communication and relationship skills in your business or professional life, in the family unit and on the social scene.
MORE RESOURCES:
marriage wedding - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Enhancing Communication in Marriage In marriages, many arguments and hurt feelings can be traced back to communication problems. It's not unusual for spouses to stay in a continual state of frustration, feeling misunderstood and unappreciated. Bridal Shower Gift Ideas You've been invited to the bridal shower - what fun! You already have a wonderful wedding gift, but you aren't sure about bridal shower gift ideas. The first rule of thumb is that a bridal shower gift is generally a bit more personal; that is, it focuses on the bride rather than the couple. Bridesmaids Gifts: a Token of Love, Appreciation and Affection No one has as much fun as the bride to be on her wedding day, except, perhaps, her bridesmaids. Bridesmaids enjoy all of the fun of a wedding without the stress and headaches of planning the blessed affair. Cheap Wedding Invitations Your wedding invitations are your announcement to family and friends of your wedding date. A special day you want them to remember as the best wedding they've ever been to. Marriage Counseling: How to Get the Most Value for Your Time and Money Marriage counseling is an investment of money, time, and energy that can give you and your spouse valuable lifelong benefits.If the two of you are going to make a serious commitment to staying in counseling until you've worked through the problem areas, you may be looking at going once a week for three to six months or longer. Are Wedding Decorations Waiting in Your Future? If there are wedding bells in your future, then surely there are wedding decorations as well. Or, maybe you are looking for Easter decorations, baby shower decorations, or even prom decorations? For some good ideas on any party decorations, just check online!When you are planning a party, no matter how big or small you will want to use decorations to make the atmosphere what you want it to be. The Engagement Ring Bling How much should you spend on a diamond engagement ring?$100?$1000?How about a whopping $1 million?That's what Donald Trump just spent on an engagement ring for his lovely wife to be, Melania Knauss. Can you imagine what it must be like to wear any ring worth that much on a daily basis?The Donald must hire beefy security guards with names like Wolfgang and Spike just to watch over Melania every time her and her delicate ring finger step out the door. Top Wedding Fitness Questions (and their answers) As a Personal Trainer for brides-to-be, I often get asked the same wedding fitness questions over and over again. Brides (and grooms) usually are looking for simple and easy ways to get in better shape for their special day. Las Vegas Wedding Chapels In Las Vegas, once you get your marriage license you don't have to wait for any predetermined amount of time and there is no blood test required before you can get married. Thinking about getting married in a chapel? The advantage of getting married in a chapel is that once you have chosen the one that is right for you, half of the job is completed because the chapel managers will do most of the work for you. Marriage Counseling: What Do Wives Really Want in a Husband? Part One Numerous men have pondered the questions, "Why does my wife say she's unhappy? What does she want that I'm not doing?" Many of the men raising these questions have been blindsided by a wife's confession that she's not happy in the marriage and wants a separation or divorce. I've seen many examples of this dynamic in marriage counseling sessions that I've conducted. Wedding Planning -- Staying Within Your Wedding Budget Planning and organizing a wedding budget can greatly reduce the stress of putting together a wedding. The very thought of a wedding conjures up images of finery and elegance, music and dance, fun, frolic and lavish spreads. Seven Ways to Survive a Remodel (And Save Your Marriage) Tips from Pisa Design, Inc Remodels are tough on everyone. The house is out of order, the refrigerator is out of pudding, and the family wiener dog is out of sorts as he searches for his food dish. The Most Important Things In Marriage When it comes to marriage, there are things that you are responsible for doing that are so important to the marriage's success. But, we could list an endless list of these things. Marriage Advice: Twelve Steps to Creating an Affair-Proof Marriage There's no way to absolutely guarantee that your marriage won't be blindsided by an affair on your part or your spouse's, but there are definite steps you can take to greatly reduce the probability of that happening.It's important to know what you can do to strengthen your marital connection and keep your marriage vibrant and healthy. Second Marriages. Estate Planning Concerns One of the biggest areas of dispute in estate planning is with second marriages. Here is a question I received. Wedding Favors - How to Graciously Thank Your Wedding Guests Thank You, Merci, Arigatou, Gracias, Xie-Xie?Gratitude is a universal emotion. People of different cultures, backgrounds, and beliefs can understand no matter what language it is expressed in. Wedding Cake Design Through History The design of the traditional wedding cake has varied greatly over time. Once a sign of fertility, the wedding cake of the Roman Empire was made of wheat or Barley. Wedding Planning: Clear Communication with Your Wedding Guests Effective communication between you and your wedding guests is essential in the months leading up to your wedding. But in this stressful time, how can you maintain healthy relationships with your family and friends when you're flooded with questions and feeling in over your head?You know your wedding guests ask for details because they care about you. Get Organized for Wedding Planning! You've had friends to your home for dinner. Maybe you've hosted a Super Bowl party or two. Mattresses and Marriage - a Match Made in Heaven Mattresses and marriage go hand in hand. Sleep is important to all of us, even the honeymooners.
|
| Article List | Index | Site Map |
|
All logos, trademarks and articles on this site are property and copyright of their respective owner(s).
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest is Copyright © 2006 CanadaSEEK.com - All Rights Reserved. |
