| |
| |
|
Personal Finance Information |
|
|
|
Bank On It: Places to Hide and Invest Money
Today I passed a thermometer at a bank that read 110 degrees, but I am not telling you that to show you how hot it was. I am telling you that because this bank really needs to fix their thermometer. According to their thermometer, it was also 110 degrees in December. There are a lot of people, places and things that can be more accurate with the weather, and as I've never said (but have always wanted to), "Whatever I trust with the weather is what I also trust with my money." Here are some examples: A random old lady: Certain beings can predict the weather through their bones, and that group includes random old ladies and dogs. I specify "random" because that way I won't get e-mails from people stating, "Hey, why are you messing with my grandmom? Are you saying she's like an alien or some kind of meteorologist or something?" And no, I'm not. I am talking about a "random" old lady, and grandmoms don't fit into that category, not even on Bingo Night. Regardless, my plan is to give my money to one of these random old ladies instead of keeping it at a bank because I know this lady won't go too far with it, and if she does disappear, I'll know to find her in Florida. Also, I don't have to worry about her making any silly investments except for lottery tickets and candy buttons. Plus, who is going to try to rob a random old lady? It's just not feasible... A kangaroo: Kangaroos were created with pouches for a reason. Contrary to popular belief, it has nothing to do with holding their young. In reality, kangaroos are living banks (and weather forecasters), ready to take your deposit and hold onto it until they die. Some may say that depositing money into a kangaroo's pouch is bad because there will be no interest on the money. But think again -- we're talking about a kangaroo hopping around with money here. There's gotta be a lot of interest there! A weather vane: Nothing beats a good weather vane with a metal rooster on top of it, except for maybe a weather vane with a real rooster on top of it. All people need to do is hide their money somewhere on a weather vane because most people will never think to look there for money. In fact, most people don't even look at them anymore for the weather. It's a win-win situation, with you being both the first winner and the second winner... A man-eating fish with a keen sense of finances and the guarding of finances: No explanation necessary. An outdoor basketball court: One can determine the weather by the amount of people playing basketball outside, as well as what they are wearing when they play. So the weather is taken care of already. As for the financial aspect, I would put all of my money on -- or near (why be picky?) -- the top of a backboard. That way the only people who could reach it already likely have lucrative contracts and wouldn't need the money anyway. If it turns out that someone else is able to grab the money, I'll just call a foul at some point afterwards and I'll get two free throws, a suitable replacement for cash... But I digress. Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, "Progressive Revelations," has been ongoing since 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)
MORE RESOURCES:
personal finance - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
How to Balance Your Checkbook - Get a Calculator and Pencil and You are Ready To Go! Despite how easy it is to balance a checkbook, very few people take the time to do it and the few who do, don't always do it the right way. If you write down in your checkbook ledger what should be deducted and added, you are on the right track - if not, start there and follow these nine easy steps to a balanced checkbook. Personal Checks - Extreme Benefits Millions of people have a checking account and many people have two of three. They have the choice of choosing a variety of check designs to compliment the checking account. Personal Finance - Have Consumers Had a Belly Full of Personal Debt? For months, we were trigger-swipe happy, putting our groceries, clothes, holidays and service charges on our credit cards. We wanted mortgages, we took out loans, we watched Property Ladder and What Not To Wear. Want Your Savings to Earn a Higher Rate of Return? Try Internet Banking Doesn't it seem like the only impressive numbers we've seen this summer are the digits on the thermostat and the unaffordable prices of homes? Real estate has been excruciatingly hot for the past few years, but getting in the market now puts you in the high-risk category for a heat stroke if the market decides to cool off this year.So if a real estate induced stroke doesn't appeal to you and the stock market's roller coaster ride gives you motion sickness, it's very likely that you as a health-conscious investor are sitting on a stash of cash collecting an anemic rate of interest. The Changing Shape of Family Finances Super-mumsIt seems that the proof of maternal efforts is no longer found in the pudding ? it's in the spending. Women are increasingly outsourcing personal grooming tasks and the pressure of looking good, feeling healthy, maintaining a tight ship and IQ level has meant that housecleaning and gardening are again fashionable methods to promote the family brand; housewifery is now a career, with all the attitude of 21st century post-feminism. Healthy Eating On A Budget It is possible to eat a healthy, balanced diet without breaking the bank! Here are some suggestions:-Eliminate junk food. You may have to do your grocery shopping alone, since children (and sometimes spouses!) are often the ones who request the junk foods. Budgeting Your Way to Financial Freedom Financial freedom cannot be achieved without budgeting. Budgeting involves tracking your sources of income and more importantly tracking your expenses. Organizing Your Finances - Thinking Outside the (Shoe) Box If you're like most people, your personal financial records are most probably kept in less than "Good Accounting Practices" standards. For example, stashing old ATM receipts and hanging on to a stub showing what you paid for a pack of mints two years ago (cash, of course), might be filed with your paycheck stubs, credit card statements - paid and unpaid alike - as well as a few tax forms, a stray paper clip and a penny. Car Donations and Used Car Donations Car donations and used car donations are the way many people choose to recycle their older model cars without having the headache of repairing, advertising, showing, and hopefully then selling them. Being able to get rid of an older car and at the same time gaining the benefits of charitable giving and a tax deduction are all part of the allure of used car donations. Succession Planning Have you ever thought about what you are going to leave your children when you pass from this earth? Wouldn't it be a great feeling to be able to give them a really good head start in life - without actually spoiling them?It really doesn't matter how old you are, it's something that you need to be thinking about and planning for now. In the process of planning your inheritance and blessing your children, you are really making YOUR life better and more financially secure because you'll enjoy these benefits before you pass them on. Your Dry Cleaner's Double Standard Women are charged more for dry cleaning services. Don't fume, find a better way. How To Free-Up 10% to 15% of Your Income Would you be interested in freeing up 10% to 15% of your current income? Just imagine what you could do with this money. You could pay down your debts, increase your savings, or work toward that next important purchase that you have in mind. Check Fraud and Verification Before buying personal or business checks you should inform yourself of the best ways to protect yourself from check fraud. Since man has written checks check fraud has existed. Avoiding A Nightmare On Renovation Street You've decided you want a bigger, better and more desirable house. How do you determine when to renovate, what to do and importantly, how much will it cost and will we get our money back?Unless you're in the building industry, most people are fairly naïve when it comes to making decisions about renovating. Live Green; Save Green! Have you seen the recent article on a new "green" residential high rise in Battery Park? It's called The Solaire. For a look at the hopeful future of architectural efficiency, check out the myriad of cost saving and environmentally-friendly features of the building:http://www. Honor Those Who Serve with Checking Account Supplies Our global society has had a wake up call in the last five years regarding our safety. But there are those in our communities that fight to keep us safe from day to day. Why You Should Seek Professional Help With Asset Management Everyone needs to maintain their lives. What I mean by that is that we all need to take certain measures to make sure that we have a home, transportation, food, entertainment etc. Bankruptcy Laws Get Tougher - More Expensive If you've been thinking about filing for bankruptcy, your best bet might be to file now.A new bankruptcy law takes effect in November that will make it harder and more expensive for most families to file for bankruptcy and discharge their debts. If I Had a Structured Settlement, I Would Use It to Pay for Gas Has anyone been to the gas pumps lately? Soon $3 a gallon will be the asking price and we'll either have to become cyclists or create some additional income. I plan to do both of course because you can balance thrift and greed pretty well as you ride your bike to work. Planning Your Financial Future Millions of people give a lot of thought to financial planning but get frustrated and give up before ever making any progress. Making yourself aware of the most common reasons people fail to make a viable financial plan is the first step in reaching your financial goals.
|
| Article List | Index | Site Map |
|
All logos, trademarks and articles on this site are property and copyright of their respective owner(s).
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest is Copyright © 2006 CanadaSEEK.com - All Rights Reserved. |
.jpg)